


We'll Be Okay

by analester



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2012!phil, 2012/2017 au, 2017!dan, Anal, Blowjobs, Implications of Depression, M/M, Riding, a bit of frottage, implications of eating disorder, implications of suicide ideation, wet dreams
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-06
Updated: 2018-06-24
Packaged: 2019-03-01 01:05:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13283673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/analester/pseuds/analester
Summary: the fic where 2012!phil is struggling with dealing with the way 2012!dan’s treating him, and 2017!dan comes and comforts him





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> okay i’m sorry i rly didn’t mean for this to be as angsty as it is, but it felt p damn good to write something other than Pure Smut, so have this mess :) like i said in the warnings, please read with caution <3 i hope you enjoy this though, i worked hard and took me literally all day hehe <3333 comments and feedback are much appreciated!!

It’s 2012 and it’s raining outside. The flat is eerily quiet and Phil feels like he has to pay attention to every step, afraid that if Dan hears the floorboards creak it would set him off again. 

They’ve been walking on eggshells for almost a month now. Nothing has been the same since the video was accidentally made public; Dan always stayed in his room, only coming out to get food or to use the toilet, while Phil would make said food and take care of the damage made from Dan’s outbursts on the Internet. Phil’s not going to lie, it’s been difficult trying to get rid of every single link circulating around, and it’s even more difficult when Dan’s not helping him. It feels as if all of this weight and tension is resting on Phil’s shoulders and Phil’s alone. 

There hasn’t been a night where Phil has slept soundly. There are dark circles forming under his eyes and oftentimes Phil finds himself just staring at a wall until the early hours of the morning, watching as the sun slowly paints his wall with light. 

This night’s no different. Phil’s wearing his favourite green hoodie and jogging bottoms. They fit looser on his body than they had been before he and Dan broke up, but Phil tries not to think about it. He’s staring blankly at the wall in front of him, feeling the seconds, minutes, hours, pass by. His brain is loud, his thoughts swirling around his head like a tornado and bombarding him with images he really isn’t in the mood to be thinking about. He makes an attempt to pull his hood over his head, as if it would block out the noise in his head. His body is itching to do something, but he’s being pulled into this state of numbness, where all he wants to do is lay down and watch this wall. He forces himself to leave his bed, opening his bedroom door and trudging through the kitchen. His heart stops as he hears the clang of the dishes in the sink.

Dan’s in there. 

Phil contemplates for a bit whether he should go into the kitchen or not. He’s not in the mood to fight with Dan, but then again, unless Dan finds a reason to yell at Phil, Phil should be okay. With this being reason enough, Phil takes a deep breath and steps into the kitchen. 

“Hi,” Phil says, voice cracking as it’s the first time he’s used it in ages. Dan turns around in surprise, but his face changes into a glare and a bitter laugh leaves his lips. 

“Was just about to call you,” Dan says offhandedly, but Phil knows better than to be hopeful. “You didn’t wash your dish when you were finished with your food.”

Phil doesn’t know what to say. He does know at this point that he shouldn’t argue back, so he settles for: “I’m sorry.”

“Ha,” Dan scoffs, “You’re always sorry, Phil.”

Phil stuffs his hands in his hoodie pocket, biting his lip and figuring out what to say. He doesn’t want to get yelled at again. He glances over to Dan, who is hovering over the sink. It’s empty, which means Dan went ahead and cleaned Phil’s dish anyways, so Phil can’t offer to clean it. Just as he’s about to say something, he hears Dan mutter, “Whatever,” and suddenly he’s brushing past him and exiting the kitchen. 

Phil lets out a breath he didn’t know he was hold. He feels a tear slip from his eyes and _shit_ , when did he start crying too? 

He speed-walks back to his room, collapsing back on the bed, assuming the position he was in not too long ago. 

It fucking sucks that this what’s become of them. Phil used to feel safe whenever he saw Dan; a feeling of relief would wash over him and he would feel… okay. Now, every time he’s just in the same room as Dan it feels like he’s suffocating, like there’s a thousand bricks weighing him down, not giving him any room to breathe. 

He lets out a choked sob and squeezes his eyes shut, hoping that Dan didn’t hear him. He didn’t want Dan yelling at him again, especially in this particular state of mind. He hears a knock on his door and he holds his breath, trying to control his heaving before speaking up.

“Come in,” Phil calls out, wiping his tears away. He braces himself to see Dan with an angry look on his face when the door opens, braces himself for the yelling, but instead, he lets out a yelp and jumps out of bed, running into the ensuite bathroom and locking the door.

The person at the door, that is not Dan. But then it is. He’s a much older, much more mature looking version of Dan, at least that’s what it looked like to Phil. Perhaps he hallucinated the whole thing and he’s having stress induced nightmares. He jumps again when he hears a knock on the bathroom door.

“I-I’m not opening the door,” Phil says, trying to make himself sound assertive but failing miserably.

“Phil…” the voice calls from the other side of the door. It sounds like Dan and Phil feels his heart pull towards the sound. His grip is on the doorknob, tempted to turn it. “Phil, it’s me. It’s Dan.”

That’s all the reason Phil needs to open the door.

Turns out Phil didn’t hallucinate that Dan at all. Here he is, standing in front of him, tall and proud, curls framing his head perfectly, oversized jumper covering his hands, and ripped black skinny jeans that he filled in beautifully. 

“Dan?” Phil asks after a moment of staring. This man in front of him looks so confident and happier, like he’s content where he is as a person. His smile reaches his eyes and it’s not the fake, hollow one that Phil’s come to know lately. This Dan is beautiful.

“Yeah,” Dan replies breathlessly, “It’s me.”

Dan holds his arms out, offering a hug to Phil. Phil swallows, the temptation of affection far too strong. It’s been so long since his Dan hugged him, kissed him, or even placed a friendly hand on his arm or shoulder. Tears slip through his eyes before he even realises it, and Dan’s face changes from friendly to concerned. 

“Oh god, what did I do? Did I make you uncomfortable? I’m so sorry,” Dan replies, reaching out a tentative hand and placing it on Phil’s shoulder. It’s all Phil needs to break down. 

He collapses to the ground, bringing his hand to his mouth to muffle his cries. It’s been a fucking long night and this is his tipping point. His other hand pulls at his hair and he feels trapped in his own body, feeling like no matter how hard he cries, the pain won’t end. It’s hitting him hard and fast, wave after wave of hurt until he can’t feel anything but. 

Suddenly he’s being pulled into Dan’s chest, and Dan’s shushing him gently, rocking their bodies back and forth in attempt to calm Phil. He feels Dan run a hand through his hair, taking Phil’s hand and lacing their fingers together. Phil lets out another sob, overwhelmed by the kindness Dan is showing him. It’s been too long since he’s been comforted like this, too fucking long. He nuzzles into Dan’s chest, burying his face into Dan’s warmth, inhaling deeply, trying to get himself together. It takes him a bit, but he manages, and he pushes himself out of Dan’s embrace. 

“You wanna tell me what’s up?” Dan offers, pushing away slightly to give Phil some room. Phil stares at the floor blankly for what seems like ages. 

“Things are just shit,” Phil starts, another tear trailing his cheek, “but it’s fine. I’m managing fine on my own.”

Dan has to hold back a snort, “Yeah, it seems you’re holding yourself together just fine.”

“Shut up,” Phil says, but he’s smiling a real, genuine smile and wiping his tears away. “Plus you already know what’s happening, don’t you? You’re from the future?”

He phrases the question in a way that makes Dan realise that he’s just confirming his suspicions. Dan didn’t get a chance to tell Phil how or why he’s there because Phil broke down in front of him, and that was much more important to take care of. But now he’s here and Phil’s kind of okay, and he guesses now’s a good time more than ever.

“Yeah, the year 2017 to be exact. I’m guessing we’re in 2012 right now?” Dan replies.

Phil only nods his head. He doesn’t even try to make a witty comeback because Dan knows. He’s been through this all before. In fact, he _was_ the guy that Phil was afraid of upsetting, the guy who actively ignored Phil’s crying at night in attempt to fight his own guilty conscience. He glances over to Dan, who is watching him carefully, seemingly afraid that Phil will start crying again. 

“Are we okay in 2017?” Phil asks, voice shaky and afraid of the answer. He knows things are shit right now, but he can’t think of a future without Dan. If the outcome of all of this was that they would separate forever, Phil isn’t sure how long he would last in that future. He holds his breath as he waits for Dan’s reply. 

“We are,” Dan says, smiling so hard that his dimple sinks deep. “We’re better than ever actually. You can see I’ve embraced most of my insecurities like my curls and we’ve accomplished so much. We’re actually going on our second tour soon.”

“Second tour?” Phil asks incredulously. “We’re really doing great then, aren’t we?”

“Mhm,” Dan says, “and we wouldn’t be where we are if we didn’t get through this, believe it or not. We come out a lot stronger after this is all over, so promise me you’ll hold on?”

Phil nods and suddenly he feels like crying again. It’s been a long time since he felt that someone cared about him and there have been many nights where he felt like he couldn’t hold on anymore, so for Dan to ask him to promise him, it hits something in Phil. 

“You’re sitting a lot closer to me now,” Dan mentions, wrapping a cautious arm around Phil, “Are you feeling more comfortable?”

“I guess so,” Phil says, bringing his hand up to his eyes to wipe away another tear for the millionth time. 

“I know that your Dan won’t say it now - he’s full of pride and he’s stubborn - but he still loves you. I know it feels like he doesn’t, but he hasn’t stopped loving you, and he will never stop loving you,” Dan whispers as he pulls Phil even closer. They’re rocking to their own rhythm, finding bliss in the patter of the rain from outside. Phil just nods again, feeling a pang in his chest every time Dan does something relatively soft. 

“Wanna go to bed? You seem tired,” Dan offers, not really giving Phil much choice. He stands up and helps Phil to his feet, guiding him to the bed. He gets under the covers first and makes room for Phil to crawl in next to him. When Phil settles next to him, Dan slots his arm across Phil’s chest and pulls him close, basking in the warmth created between them. 

“Love you,” Dan mutters, pressing a soft kiss to Phil’s head before drifting off. He tries not to think about the way Phil tenses under him upon hearing those words, tries not to think about how he was once the cause of Phil thinking that he didn’t love him anymore. He squeezes his arm around Phil’s body before drifting to sleep. 

-

Dan doesn’t know how long he’s been asleep, but it’s still dark when he’s woken up. Phil’s shuffling next to him, his body shaking and he’s muttering something. Concerned, Dan sits up to check Phil out properly. 

Phil’s on his stomach, fingers gripping the sheets beneath him and hips rutting in the mattress. Dan’s mouth runs dry at the sight and he licks his lips, unable to pull his eyes from the scene unfolding in front of him. Phil looks so fucking cute. His hoodie looks huge on him, swallowing his body and making his frame look smaller. The whimpers that leave Phil’s lips are soft and light, and it reminds Dan of his Phil at home and how he makes those exact noises when they’re in play. 

Another groan comes from Phil and Dan is suddenly aware of his cock throbbing between his legs. Phil’s subconsciously rutting faster into the mattress and he’s starting to pant, and _fuck_ , Dan doesn’t want this to end, so he carefully taps Phil awake, rubbing his shoulder until Phil holds his head up. 

A blush runs across Phil’s cheeks and Phil quickly sits up, his sweater paws covering his crotch.

“Fuck, Dan, I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to do that,” Phil sputters, “It’s been happening a lot more lately and I don’t know why and this is so embarrassing I am literally 25 fuck—“

He’s cut off by Dan’s lips on his. It’s fast paced and passionate and Phil melts into it fast. Dan moves to hover over Phil, taking Phil’s thin wrists in his and pinning them next to Phil’s head. Phil doesn’t know how to react, his eyes wide and looking up at Dan in wonderment. Dan feels a surge of power as he watches cogs in Phil’s brain work, watching Phil sink into an all too familiar mindset to Dan. 

Dan grinds his crotch into Phil’s, suddenly realising that he’s still wearing jeans. He gently wraps his arms around Phil’s torso and lifts him up, adjusting their bodies so that Phil sat on Dan’s thighs. Dan takes Phil’s hands and guides them to top of his jeans. 

“You know what to do,” Dan says, voice gravelly and gentle. Phil looks at Dan with wide eyes, lips slightly parted, and he lets out a desperate whine, his hands shaking as he works on Dan’s zipper. When he figures it out, Dan helps him pull down his jeans and boxers, his cock springing out, hard and red. Dan doesn’t even have to ask Phil to do anything; Phil’s already settling between Dan’s legs and licking a stripe from the base of Dan’s cock to the tip. Dan shakes and he threads his fingers through Phil’s hair, pulling him farther down. 

He hits the back of Phil’s throat after pushing a little more. Phil tightens his lips and tries his best to suppress his gag reflex, allowing Dan deeper into his throat. Dan’s sweating under his jumper now, his grip tight on Phil as he starts to thrust into Phil’s tight, wet mouth. Phil pulls off and kisses down the length, standing it up with one of his hands. He takes one of Dan’s balls into his mouth, sucking gratefully and looking up at Dan with innocent eyes. Dan swears and wraps his hand around the hand Phil has on his cock. He starts to move their hands together, stroking slowly but surely as Phil moves to take his other ball into his mouth. 

Phil moves to kiss up Dan’s length again and takes the tip back into his mouth. He swirls his tongue around and dips it into Dan’s slit, and Dan’s hips jump up, pushing his cock into Phil’s mouth again. Phil flattens his tongue and pays attention to that spot just under the head, and Dan’s eyes shoot open, pulling Phil off his cock. Phil frowns and whimpers, moving to wrap his mouth around Dan again, but Dan holds his head in place, his large hands making Phil’s face look small.

“I was gonna come if you didn’t stop,” Dan admits, tucking the ends of Phil’s fringe behind his ear. It makes Phil smile with pride and crawls up Dan’s body to connect their lips again. Dan wraps his arms around Phil again and he changes their position. He sheds off Phil’s jogging bottoms, mouth watering at the sight of Phil fully hard. 

“Dan…” Phil squirms, his cock twitching and leaking onto his lower stomach. Dan can’t stop himself from dipping a finger into the slit, collecting the precum and tasting it. He moans around his finger, eyes half lidded and Phil looks completely and utterly fucked out, his eyes trained on Dan’s mouth.

“Is the lube still in the normal place?” Dan asks, running his hands down Phil’s body and under his hoodie. He takes the end and lifts it up and off Phil’s body, Phil shivering at the cold. Dan licks his lips as he takes in the sight of Phil’s chest; his shoulders aren’t as broad as his Phil’s are and his stomach doesn’t swell as much as it used to. He runs a hand over Phil’s protruding ribs and Phil has to fight the urge to cover himself. He knows he hasn’t been eating well and that he basically shrunk into himself. It’s kind of hard not to when you’re afraid to leave your own room. 

Phil distracts Dan by saying, “Yes,” letting out a sigh of relief when Dan leaves to fetch the lube. When Dan comes back, their lips meet again. Phil melts into the kiss, missing the way Dan’s chapped lips fit perfectly against his. Phil brings his arms up to wrap around Dan’s neck, deepening their kiss and getting lost in the feeling of just Dan being there and loving him like he used to. Phil tries not to dwell on it too much, so he runs his tongue along Dan’s bottom lip and slides it in when Dan allows him to. 

They stay like that for a while, revelling in the raw feeling of each other. Phil never wants to stop kissing Dan, even if both of them are starting to get desperate. Phil’s been on edge since his wet dream, but that isn’t going to stop him from trying to kiss Dan forever. 

Unfortunately Dan starts to get desperate and his cock slides right against Phil’s. Phil lets out a gasp, hips shifting to try and grind against Dan’s. Dan moves downwards, trailing kisses down Phil’s neck and across his chest, paying attention to Phil’s nipples before moving again. His lips softly graze Phil’s happy trail and plants a soft, but sure kiss to the tip of Phil’s cock. Phil’s cock twitches upwards, making Dan smirk. Dan opens the bottle of lube and pours a liberal amount on his fingers.

“How long has it been?” Dan asks as he rubs his forefinger against Phil’s entrance. Phil’s squirming and he’s clenching around nothing, his stomach in knots as his patience runs thin. 

“A while,” Phil manages to get out. Dan nods and slowly pushes in, carefully watching Phil’s face for any discomfort. 

It’s a long process and it takes longer than Phil would’ve liked. But Dan is patient the whole time, knowing and listening carefully for the difference between moans of pain and of pleasure. Eventually Phil’s stretched and frantically begging to _just fucking get inside of me fuck, Dan._

Phil’s panting as Dan pours more lube onto his cock, moaning as Dan lets out a noise when he strokes his cock. He feels the tip of Dan’s cock at his entrance, their eyes locking as Dan silently asks permission to push in. Phil’s nodding furiously and tries to shift his hips down, but Dan’s eyes widen and he brings one hand down to Phil’s hip, holding him in place. Dan’s strength surprises Phil, especially considering that neither of them got exercise. 

Dan starts to slide in inch by inch and _god,_ it’s been so long since Phil's felt stretched out like this and close to someone. He can feel Dan’s gaze burning into his soul, and he feels so exposed. It’s terrifying, but then Dan shifts his hips just slightly and now it feels good too. Phil arches his back as Dan bottoms out. Dan’s muttering something under his breath, but Phil can’t make it out because his mind’s blissfully blank, the pleasure slowly taking over his body. 

“Move,” Phil gasps, and that’s all it takes for Dan to start thrusting. 

“Shit, shit, fucking shit,” Dan moans, sliding out so just his tip is in Phil before pushing back in. He picks up the pace and Phil doesn’t know what to do with his body; Dan’s cock is brushing against his prostate with every thrust and Dan’s warm body is pressed against his, giving his cock just enough friction to have Phil begging for more. 

“Wait, hold on, Phil,” Dan pauses his thrusts, pulling out of Phil. Phil whines and grabs hold of Dan, trying to pull back. Dan giggles and presses his lips to Phil’s neck before saying, “I just want to try something.” 

He shifts their position and gently manoeuvres Phil on his side. It’s fairly easy to do as Phil is a bit smaller than Dan is, Dan realises as he slots his arm across Phil’s chest again. Their position is similar to how they were spooning when they fell asleep earlier that night. Dan fits a hand between them and guides his cock back inside Phil. Phil lets out a loud moan and pushes his ass farther down Dan’s cock, realising that this position made it easier for Phil to chase his own pleasure. 

It’s overwhelming. Phil can feel Dan all around him now; he can feel the warmth of Dan’s body against his, feel his breath on his neck, and hear the desperate noises from the back of Dan’s throat. It’s been so long since he’s been held like this. He feels naked and exposed in the best way possible, but at the same time it’s a lot more than what he’s used to. He doesn’t even realise he’s crying until Dan’s pulling out and moving Phil to face him.

Dan’s face is red and he’s trying his best to ignore his throbbing cock. 

“Hey, hey, no, don’t cry, baby. What’s wrong? Did I hurt you?” Dan asks, concerned. He wipes Phil’s tears away with his thumb and presses a soft kiss to Phil’s lips.

“I-I’m fine,” Phil chokes out a laugh, “It just feels really good.”

Dan smiles, pressing a kiss to Phil’s forehead. They share another look before Dan’s handling Phil again, shifting their position so that Phil’s in his lap. 

“Ride me, baby,” Dan says, a smirk playing along his lips as Phil’s cock twitches. Phil’s thighs are shaking as he hovers over Dan’s cock, sinking down and throwing his head back. Dan can’t help but run his thumbs over Phil’s nipples, rubbing harshly and smiling when Phil starts to bounce faster. Dan sits up and presses their chests together, thrusting upwards to meet Phil in the middle. They’re both so fucking close now, Phil whimpering and moaning Dan’s name every time he slams his hips back down. His cock is leaking continuously, so Dan snakes a hand between them and takes Phil’s cock in his hand. He strokes fast and short, knowing exactly what Phil likes to bring him to the edge. 

Phil throws his head back, thrusting into Dan’s hand before grinding down on Dan’s cock. They’re almost there, but Dan can’t take it anymore. A growl erupts from the back of his throat and he grips Phil’s ass with both of his hands, pushing Phil back with a force that surprises the both of them. He doesn’t have time to dwell on it though because he’s back on top of Phil and fucking him with all he has. Phil falls limp, stroking himself lazily as he lets Dan use his body to help the both of them. 

After shouting a warning, Dan comes first, hips stilling before moving even faster, working himself through his orgasm. He tries to go on for as long as possible because Phil’s eyes are fluttering shut and his hand is jacking himself faster. He angles his hips just a bit and hits Phil’s prostate spot on. Phil’s eyes shoot open and he whimpers as he spurts strings of cum between them. 

“Fuck, Dan, _fuck”_ Phil cries, his entire body shaking as he comes down, tears running down his face as the intensity of his orgasm takes over. He twists his hand one more time before relaxing completely, a content smile on his face. Dan pulls out and flops down next to Phil, both of them panting as they recover. 

Even after a bit, Phil can’t stop crying. Different feelings wash over him, and he’s confused and overwhelmed with them. He’s bombarded with thoughts about Dan leaving him after, about Dan only using his body for his own pleasure. He thinks about Dan forgetting about this in the morning and making Phil feel like he never really found him attractive at all. 

But then he opens his eyes and he doesn’t see his Dan in front of him. He sees the one that says he’s from 2017, the one that showered him with reassurances and told him that he was beautiful. 

“I-I’m sorry. I d-don’t know w-why I’m crying,” Phil sobs, burying his face in his hand, feeling exposed in a totally different way now. 

Dan doesn’t say anything, seeming to understand why Phil is reacting the way that he is. He pulls Phil in close and runs his fingers through Phil’s hair, trying his best to soothe Phil. It works and eventually Phil’s breathing evens out. Dan looks down to see Phil asleep. He presses a kiss to the top of Phil’s head and carefully cradles him in his arm, moving them under the duvet. 

“Everything will be okay, Phil. Promise me you’ll hold on,” Dan whispers. He knows that Phil won’t answer, but he says it anyways. “I love you. I will always love you. I’m sorry I never reminded you when you needed it the most.” 

Dan wipes his own tears, but smiles regardless, thinking about his Phil at home and how far they’ve come. It’s enough to make himself calm down, his own eyes fluttering shut as he drifts to sleep, pulling Phil close and loving the scent of Phil’s raspberry shampoo. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2012!phil tries to make things right between him and dan, but things don’t go the way he plans. 2017!dan comes back to comfort him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is actually pretty dark, so please just be mindful of that. rough sex with no aftercare, neglect, 2012!dan and 2012!phil have a very toxic relationship, fwb kind of, suicide mention but very very minor
> 
> i got a lot of requests for a sequel to this, so i Gave The People What They Want. like i said in the warnings, it’s pretty dark and phil’s character is in a very dark place, so read with caution. for all of those who read it, enjoy! feedback is much appreciated :) <3333

Phil’s on his hands and knees. Dan’s gripping his hips, letting out groans of pleasure as he fucks into him. Phil’s trying not to let the tears spill from his eyes and cry as Dan slides in and out of him. 

He hasn’t had this much physical attention since Dan from the future suddenly appeared, comforted him, and made love to him. It was too much at the time that it had made Phil cry, especially since his Dan, the one currently fucking him, seemed like he didn’t want anything to do with Phil anymore. 

But that can’t be true. His Dan is gripping his hips, scratching down his back, as he gets lost in the feeling of Phil around him. 

“Baby, you feel so good,” Dan groans, his thrusts becoming sloppy as he gets close. Phil bites his lip to keep himself from sobbing aloud. Dan never called him Phil anymore when they were having sex, and he always wanted to top. He never said the reason why out loud, but Phil had an inkling that it was because he often didn’t want to think about Phil at all during sex. Maybe Dan just needed to get out of his head, so he would use Phil to do so, sleeping with Phil and imagining it’s someone else because he knows Phil would do anything for him. 

Phil feels Dan tense before spilling into him, fucking into him without control before pulling out. 

They usually don’t talk after they’re done having sex these days either. Dan usually lies down and catches his breath, a blissful smile on his face, while Phil stares up at the ceiling, trying desperately not to break down in front of Dan. He can usually hold himself over until Dan leaves promptly 10 minutes after they clean up. But once Dan closes that door, Phil closes in on himself, too numb and sad to do anything but cry and wonder how he got to this position in the first place.

-

It started about a couple weeks after Dan from the future came to visit. In the events following Dan’s visit, Phil woke up in his bed cold and alone. He couldn’t stop thinking about what Dan had said to him about how he and his Dan end up okay in the future. How he and Dan somehow make it through this funk and that they’ll be even stronger than before. 

He took it as a confidence boost to finally talk to Dan, so he tried to do exactly that. He cleaned himself up and got out of bed, padding the short distance from his room to Dan’s. He knocked on the door softly and heard a muffled, “Yeah?”

“Can I come in?” Phil asked, hand already on the door handle.

“I guess…” Dan replied and Phil tried his hardest not to change his mind. He and Dan will be okay, but they needed to have this conversation.

Phil turned the handle and made his way into Dan’s room, where Dan was under the covers, bags under his eyes, tired and heavy.

“I wanted to talk to you about what’s happening between us,” Phil started, looking nervously at his feet and shifting his weight from each side. He was standing awkwardly by Dan’s bed, looking down at a very obviously annoyed Dan. Before Phil could continue, he heard Dan scoff. 

“There’s not much to discuss, Phil,” Dan said a bit harshly. Phil was starting to forget the whole reason why he came in here in the first place. 

“I just wanted to say I’m sorry for—“

“Here we go again with being sorry. You’re always sorry. That’s like the only thing you say these days,” Dan cut Phil off. Phil’s mouth shut and maybe they need more time to think. But they’ve been walking on eggshells, or rather Phil has around Dan, for what seemed like ages now and Phil is a bit more than fed up with it. 

“Why don’t you ever let me finish talking?!” Phil suddenly snapped, hands balling into fists and face turning red. It’s the first time he yelled at Dan in months, always being quiet and forced to be the bigger person every time they fight. Dan always yells at Phil, but Phil never yells at Dan, but something in Phil switched on and suddenly he couldn’t stand any of Dan’s bullshit anymore. 

Dan was at a loss for words. 

“I have feelings about this too, you know? I was the one doing damage control every time your hot head took your frustrations out on me. I was forced to swallow every single shitty thing I felt since our break up because I never wanted you to hurt yourself or feel like I never fucking loved you. I do love you, Dan, I still love you, but this fighting and this constantly being snappy with each other? It hurts, and I feel like I can’t do anything but take it. I feel like I’m going insane and you aren’t even present enough to notice because you’re too busy with your own problems,” Phil ranted on, not even noticed how Dan got out of bed and stood in front of them. They were inches apart, Phil breathing heavily from going off on Dan. 

His heart started beating fast as Dan stepped closer to him, lips barely touching. He knew he’s going to regret it, but the temptation, literally millimetres away from him, was unbearably strong. Dan made the first move of pressing his lips to Phil’s. Phil inhaled in surprise as if he wasn’t expecting it at all, but he quickly melted into the kiss and kissed back with a bit of hesitance. It was Dan that deepened the kiss, making it more harsh and messy. 

They collapsed on Dan’s bed, Dan crawling on top of Phil and rolling his hips into Phil’s desperately. 

Phil had no idea what the fuck was happening. 

“I want to fuck you,” Dan gasped after he removed his and Phil’s clothes. 

“Do it,” Phil replied, already reaching for the lube. 

-

After coming down, Dan confessed that he felt like he wasn’t ready to be back in a relationship with Phil, but he didn’t want to stop the sex because this is the best he’d felt in a while. Phil, being a lovestruck fool that clung onto the words that future Dan said to him, agreed. 

Nothing else changed between them though. Phil still felt unsafe talking to Dan in fear of Dan snapping on him, and when they did talk, it somehow always progressed to having rough and disconnected sex. Phil never felt loved the way he did that one night with other Dan. He felt like he was losing himself every time he fell into bed with Dan.

-

Phil ends up cleaning himself out in the shower, whimpering as he steps inside, back and bum bruised and sore from how Dan was using him earlier. He cries in the shower, scrubbing his skin hard to try and remove the feeling of how Dan gripped his body. 

When he exits the shower, towel tied loosely around his waist, he nearly has a bloody heart attack, hand shooting to the doorway to steady himself. Dan from the future is sitting on his bed, soft and huggable and welcoming as ever. 

He can’t stop himself from running to Dan, basically pouncing on him and holding him in a tight hug. Dan lets out a giggle of surprise before wrapping his arms around Phil. 

“Hi,” Dan chuckles, breathing in and loving the smell of a freshly washed Phil. He notices the bruises on Phil’s hips and chest and frowns. He’s seen those before and remembers how Phil got them. He  _ was _ the one that did it to Phil. He feels a pang in his chest as he scans the bruises and handprints. 

“Are you okay?” Dan has to ask. He knew at this point of their relationship, it was hard for him to gain Phil’s trust back, especially after hurting him like this. 

“I am now that you’re here,” Phil looks up and smiles, though it doesn’t really reach his eyes. He looks tired and worn out and downright exhausted and Dan wishes he could do something that could help Phil. He wishes he could talk to his younger self, make him realise that he’s  _ hurting _ Phil. He isn’t sure if that would ruin the timeline and he’s terrified of doing something here that could cause a change in his current life with Phil. Instead, Dan tries to give Phil a reassuring smile, holding him close and pressing his lips tenderly to the top of Phil’s head. 

“How’re you and Dan?” Dan asks, but immediately feels guilty when Phil tenses. Phil’s face turns red and Dan can tell he’s trying hard to hold back his tears. “I’m sorry. You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”

“I’d really rather not,” Phil says, tone particularly snappy. He adjusts himself on Dan’s lap, something taking over him and making him seem even more disconnected to Dan. Before Dan can say anything, Phil smirks and tilts his head to the side, bringing his hand up to touch Dan’s cheek. “I’d rather be doing something else.”

And then Phil moves into kiss Dan. Rather desperately too. 

It takes Dan by surprise, so he freezes for a second. He kisses back, but he tries to slow down the pace. Phil isn’t having it though, whining and pushing even harder against Dan’s lips. He’s shaking and he doesn’t even seem all that present to Dan— He’s just constantly moving, trying so hard to distract and not think. Dan’s eyes shoot open when he starts to taste the tears falling down Phil’s cheeks. He pulls away, putting his hands to Phil’s chest to hold him back.

“No—“ Phil cuts himself off in frustration, “Please. Please, Dan, I—“

“Phil…”

“No!” Phil yells, startling himself and Dan. The tears keep falling down his face. “I  _ need  _ this.”

He tries to move in to kiss Dan again, but Dan moves his head to stop him. Phil lets out a sob, collapsing back into Dan’s chest, his own chest heaving as he lets out every pent up emotion he’s been feeling since the last time this Dan was here. 

“I’m so fucked up,” Phil muffles into Dan’s chest. Dan’s heart pangs and he pulls Phil even closer.

“You are not, Phil.”

“I am! I did this to myself. I should have never let it get to this point. I’m so fucking weak and fucked up and I don’t deserve to li—“

“Don’t you fucking dare,” Dan snaps, effectively shutting Phil up. It works, but Phil’s still hiccuping in Dan’s arms, trying desperately to control himself. 

“I’m sorry,” Phil says quietly, rubbing his eyes in Dan’s jumper. “I just… I’m tired and I don’t know how to fix this. Tell me how to fix this.”

Dan isn’t sure what to say. He tries to put himself back into his 2012 mind, where his insecurity was at its peak, the numbers growing and towering over him and forcing him to think that he needed to be someone better than who he is. 

“I think you just need to tell him that you’re there for him. That you know it’s a difficult time and so much is expected of you guys and you don’t want to have to do this alone. I think you just need to remind him that he’s not alone and you don’t want to be alone either. Does that make sense?” Dan takes his time saying this, every word thought through and calculated. 

He feels Phil nod against him and he smiles.

“You guys are going to be okay, Phil. I promise you.”

Phil looks up at Dan, eyes rimmed red and eyelashes soaked with tears. He gives Dan a watery smile, “Thank you.”

Dan leans down to connect their lips, gentle and slow and full of love. Phil tries not to think about how it’s been too long since he’s been kissed like that. 

“Do you want to sleep?” Dan asks after pulling away. Phil glances at the clock, not even realising how late it had gotten. He simply nods and moves to the head of the bed, sliding under the duvet and patting the spot next to him, inviting Dan to lay with him. Dan’s lips twitch up into a smile as he removes his jumper and jeans - he’s not making the same mistake of sleeping with them on under the covers again - and cuddles Phil close. 

It’s not long before Dan falls asleep above Phil, Phil almost nearly there to dropping off himself. He thinks about him in Dan’s arms, how warm and safe he feels, how Dan promised him that one day he’ll feel the same way about his Dan. He hopes they sort things out.

“We’ll be okay,” Phil whispers to himself, “We’ll be okay.”


End file.
